Help, Lord, for the godly man ceases! For the faithful disappear from among the sons of men.
Psalm 12:1 (NKJV)
I hate Valentine’s Day. There, I’ll just say it. I loathe this holiday that is supposed to pay some sort of brilliant homage to romance and “love.” Why? Well, let’s see…could it be that since my divorce, the only thing that has been constant in my search for a suitable companion has been utter disappointment? Nearly every man that I have attempted to become involved with has either already been involved with someone else (but misrepresented himself as single) or was actively seeking some other woman while trying to date me. Seriously, I don’t know when it became acceptable for a man to declare that he “loves” you while simultaneously pursuing at least one other woman. Has there been such a shift in our values that it is no longer frowned upon to cheat on someone before you even enter into a real commitment with them? A woman can’t even successfully navigate the dating scene without running into dishonesty, disloyalty and just plain disgusting behavior on the part of her significant other.
But this behavior happens on both sides. Lest you think that I’m just bitter and that I’m only wanting to call attention to the behavior of men, I feel that I have to say the same goes for a lot of women out there. No boundaries. No respect for the institution of marriage or any form of commitment that might lead to marriage. Those who aren’t willing to let go of what didn’t work for them and who continue to try and pull an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back into a relationship or fling just to keep them from moving forward first. I have been guilty of this myself and I’m ashamed to say that sometimes it has taken me longer to remove myself from certain entanglements than it should have. I have not been in any sort of relationship now for a while, but I can say with certainty that I don’t miss having to wonder whether or not I was being lied to every time plans fell through or communication didn’t occur as expected.
Yes, there is a point that I’m hoping to make with this post…and no, it isn’t that women become bitter and angry after being lied to and cheated on for so long. Although, these are valid points, that isn’t the only thing I’m trying to say. I am trying to say that the devil uses these relationship problems against those who are trying to follow God. He knows that if he can convince us that we cannot love because we cannot trust, we are likely to project that inability to love and trust onto our relationship with God. We are likely, after being hurt time after time, to begin to doubt that God wants us to have love in our lives and when we begin to doubt this, we might just stop trusting in Him completely. After all, it makes no sense that we would continue to have these sorts of problems if we are trying to bring the one thing that is supposed to be our main focus into some sort of tangible form in our lives. If we can’t manifest love in our relationships with others, then we will not go forward and try to teach others about His great love for us. How can we if we are so bogged down in the brokenness we experience at the hands of one another?
The truth is, I have had the worst track record with relationships of anyone that I know. By all rights, I should never want to be in love with anyone or to show love to anyone ever again. But, I still have hope. In spite of all of the evil one’s attempts to make me doubt that God has someone for me, I still have hope. I still believe that He is removing those people who would do me harm and He is trying to prepare me for the one who will love me the way God made me to be loved. So, I’m not a bad person because I refuse to settle for relationships that only offer me a small portion of what God has promised me. I’m not being difficult because I expect a man to show me the respect of being faithful and loyal to me in a relationship. I’m not being naive because I still believe that true love exists somewhere out there. I’m believing God because He has shown me that in all things, I can always trust Him. Even if I don’t understand His methods, I have to know that the end result with Him is much better than it has ever been without Him.
So, while others are enjoying the security and stability of the relationships they have managed to find and keep, I’m still out here trying to figure out exactly what I’m looking for and whether or not it’s ever going to be the right time to try again. I pray that if you have found someone, they will treat you right and that if they don’t that you won’t let it destroy your hope that one day someone will. If we lose the ability to hope and love, then we give the devil more power over our lives than we ever should. We hurt, we hope, we heal. Repeat as necessary. And emerge victorious. <3<3<3
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)