For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.
~Romans 15:4 NIV~
So, you never know which moments will turn out to be the big turning points in our lives. Sometimes it takes years of trial and error and long periods of reflection to bring the lessons learned into focus. For example, the other night I had a strange dream. I was in a darkened building that appeared to be a hospital of some kind. No one was around except for me and the person who was guiding me as we walked along. It was very calm and I felt like the person who was walking with me was a good person. I couldn’t tell who it was even when I looked right at him. I’m assuming, though, that it was an angel or something of that nature because he was telling me (and I’m assuming it was a male) that God would have taken me four years ago had I not…and then whatever he said sort of trailed off. As we walked, I thought about this and then he opened the door to a room which was full of newborn babies. They were all sleeping in the little nursery-type beds and there was a line of them that extended further out than I could see. The first five of these babies were able to be seen very clearly and even seemed to be reaching for me as I stood there. When I reached to pick one of them up, the person who was with me stopped me and said, “It isn’t time.”
Well, if you know anything of my history, you know that this dream had me a little messed up for a few days. After going through five miscarriages and dealing with quite a bit of emotional trauma, I came to the conclusion that I needed to repair my broken relationship with God. It was just about four years ago that I started going back to church and eventually allowed myself to accept God’s healing in my life. So hearing that person in the dream say that He would have taken me then was a real eye-opener. What if I hadn’t come back to Him when I did? What if I’d stayed where I was and let life continue to have its way with me. I was so very broken and battered by all that I had been through and truly felt as though I had no hope for a better life. What if I had been reluctant to seek the truth?
Strangely enough, I was going through some old journals just last night and came across notes I had written exactly four years ago today that gave me a very profound explanation for that dream. My notes said things like, “I am so scared of going back to church again,” and “…look at the things I have done.” I was so afraid of stepping into a different season that I almost missed a chance to know the blessings of living a life that has been restored to wholeness. As I read the words I had written it became so clear to me that I’m not who I was. He has done a new thing in me and I am a new creature in Christ. Everything He said was true and every awful thing I once believed about myself was a lie. My God is an awesome God and I’m so glad that He placed the desire to know Him in my heart. I’m so glad that He never gave up on me. There was never really any chance that He would, but I didn’t know that then.
That place in your heart that longs to be understood is God’s way of telling you that He desires a relationship with you. He forgives you for whatever you have done. And even if no other voice is speaking truth in your life, His always will. Tune in to Him and He will bring you to a new place and set your feet on solid ground. Don’t give up, it isn’t time.
O Lord, You have pleaded the case for my soul; You have redeemed my life.
~Lamentations 3:58 NIV~