When I kept silent, my bones grew old through their groaning all the day long.
For a while now, I’ve been keeping myself from focusing on some of the things that once defined my reason for being. I’ve neglected my writing, I’ve not updated my websites, I’ve not been able to put together a book trailer for my newest mystery book, I’ve failed to even promote in more than a lackluster fashion. I’ve been preoccupied with putting other pieces of my broken life back together and spending more and more time acknowledging some of the things that God has been doing in my life. From the outside, it may look like I’m simply going through the day to day motions of living, but the work being done on the inside is something for which I have no words.
I can’t say that during this time I haven’t made mistakes. I’ve certainly done some things that would not necessarily qualify as part of God’s divine plan for my life; but in the going through, I think some of these things were necessary in order to show me that there are just some chapters of my life that should remain unpublished. And of course, there are some which probably never should have been written. But I’m a firm believer in journaling and in general, just getting things out in the open. And so, some things that have happened have been absolutely necessary in helping me to see and clearly understand what it is that I don’t need in my life.
In prayer, I’ve been presented with a number of verses from the Bible that seem to be telling me that it is now time to put it all aside and get back to the business at hand. Ecclesiastes 4:8 talks about the dangers of wasting one’s time in meaningless pursuits. I’ve tried to justify much of the time I have been wasting as having been necessary for rejuvenation or even for the purposes of fellowship with others, but in truth I’ve really just been avoiding what He has been calling me to do. I hate this, but for some reason I guess I’m just not totally convinced that He should be trusting me with anything important. And so, in my typical passive aggressive fashion, I make my trips around the mountain hoping that I’ll either stumble upon a shortcut to doing what He wants me to do or even better, that I’ll find someone else who might be better equipped to do it for me. But in 1 Thessalonians 1:6, He says, “And you became followers of the Lord, having received the word in much affliction, with joy of the Holy Spirit.” It occurred to me that even though I’ve tried very hard at times not to hear Him, when God wants you to do something He will not simply let you ignore His wishes.
And so, after much prayer and consideration, I have decided to follow the advice given in Hebrews 4;16 which is “Let us therefore come boldly before the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” It is time to take drastic measures and get back to what I believe He has put me here to do. No more excuses, it’s time to move. Ecclesiastes 1:8 says that, “All things are full of labor; man cannot express it. The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.” For a time, I’ve not been satisfied with simply putting in my time. I need to do more. I need to be more than just another soul that isn’t living a completely fulfilled life. He died to give us more than this and we should not be content to settle for less.