Love that you’re never satisfied
With face value wisdom and happy lies
You take what they say and go back and cry
You’re so close to me that you nearly died
Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again
These words from “Again” by Flyleaf really captured the way I felt about our individual relationship with God. Of what we hope He might say to us when we are in the midst of our struggles. It’s a nice thought, really, that someone would ever feel this way about us. Sometimes, we feel this way and cannot express it. Sometimes, there is just no capacity for the sentiment in the first place. The idea that someone might appreciate our take on things and that they might be secure enough in themselves to tell us this is something that seems unattainable.
The line that captures it for me is, “You’re so close to me that you nearly died.” God saying that we are getting closer and closer to Him and that leaving ourselves behind or “dying” to the self is a natural by-product of loving Him is just a beautiful expression of His perfect love for us. I just don’t believe that this is something that can be achieved in our relationships with one another. People are selfish by nature and it is our tendency to want our significant other to lose themself in us and to leave behind everything they once were in order to be with us. Maybe not always to a “self-crucifying” extent, but there are little pieces of this philosophy present in all relationships.
This message may not seem very uplifting or inspiring, but the song really isn’t all that uplifting in my opinion. I think the song is just a raw expression of how God’s love should permeate every fiber of our being and how the process of losing ourselves to Him is ongoing and we do, in fact, go through this metamorphosis again and again until we achieve that state of oneness with Him. That is, if we ever really do achieve it. It’s deep, I know. But, I didn’t write it. I’m just listening.