Today’s Pondering: Am I talking to you?

I love to tell the story of unseen things above.  Of Jesus and His glory.  Of Jesus and His love. 

I love to tell the story, because I know ’tis true.  It satisfies my longings as nothing else can do.

 ~I Love to Tell the Story, Gospel Hymn~

There are times when I sit down to write this blog when I’m not sure if anyone is listening.  There are more of those times than I care to admit.  As a writer, I would love to think that people are just dying to log on and see what I have to say, but the truth is, not many people want to hear it.  Whether this is because they think I’m flaky, or just because the majority of folks don’t see the value in what I’m discussing remains to be seen.  It doesn’t matter, though.  I’m still compelled to share what God has done in my life even when no one is listening.  If only to remind myself of the wonderful work He has done in me, it is and will remain a priority in my life. 

When I think back over the things that I went through while I was living outside of God’s will, I can’t help but wonder why in the world He would ever welcome me back in.  There were so many things that I did, even down to the way that I felt about other people, that were just plain awful.  So many times I let myself down and of course, let Him down by choosing to do the wrong thing when I wanted so badly to be worthy of doing the right thing.  I just could not get it through my head that His mercy is forever.  I kept pushing myself away from the one thing that would make it all better because I was convinced that although I still believed in Him, He did not believe in me. 

Somebody out there needs to hear this.  It has been on my heart to give testimony about the things that He has delivered me from and I know that if I can just get it out there, the words will touch the right person.  So, if you were expecting profound commentary this evening I apologize.  I’m certainly feeling led to do more than speculate on the popular thought of the day right now.  And it gets that way, thank the Lord, now that I’m listening to Him and following the path He has set for me.  I’m so happy that His voice is guiding me now and that I no longer have to wonder if I’m loved.  God knows I’ve felt loneliness in my life even at times when I should have felt like I was part of something.  He knows that when I should have felt loved, I felt empty.  He knows that when I reached out to Him and asked for forgiveness and asked Him to save me, my heart was so broken that I never would have believed it could be repaired.  I had been hurt to the point where I just hated Him.  I was sure He had given up on me and I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to be born and to live this life if He were just going to hate me and watch me be miserable.  When all I wanted in the world was to love and be loved; why would He have allowed me to become so broken? 

It all became clear to me one day when I was walking with my sister and she told me that if I loved God, I needed to follow Him.  Period.  She has a way of putting things into perspective.  Along the way, I’ve met others who had a way of reminding me that I was the only thing keeping me from relationship with God.  If I would just put down my pride and reach out to Him, He would take hold of me and fix what was broken.  We are so often our own worst enemies and He is patient enough to hang around while we figure it all out.  How I must have grieved Him all those years with my behavior.  In truth, I was allowing myself to hurt because I just didn’t believe that He loved me.  But He does.  He always has and always will.  When you get this, I mean, when you truly get that His love covers all, then you can face whatever life brings you and know that it will be okay.  If you are having a hard time today and you need to fill that emptiness, I encourage you to look to Him for your strength.  Ask Him to forgive you, tell Him that you need Him and He will lift you up.  No questions asked.  You won’t find a better deal than that anywhere on this earth. 

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself. 

~2 Timothy 2:13 New King James Version (NKJV)~